Good intentions. Bad performance. No other way to describe it. On all fronts.
My three new years resolutions are left miserably in the dust for the first part of January. Well, actually, the first one is working out. We did find a nanny and she' been with us five days now on trial. Things are looking good. I don't want to jinx myself, but baby-boy seems to be taking to her and that's one of the key things in all of this. We're going slow and steady, hoping to make for a smooth transition from mommy-at-home to mommy-at-work for 6 hours a day. Today, I was able to take hold a conference call in another room for 45 minutes without any hitches. So, keep your fingers crossed.
As for the rest of the resolutions: I miserably, miserably failed to attend the writing group. Totally my own gaffe. It was on one calendar but that one no longer talks to my phone. I hadn't put it on our main calendar in the kitchen either. And in general, I'm a ditz when it comes to remembering such stuff. My friend even sent a reminder email, 2 hours in advance, but I wasn't home so never saw it. So I have a lot of apologizing to do, and I hope to make the next one (though I already noticed that hubby will be traveling for business then, so who knows?).
The exercise challenge has also yet to get started: 1000 miles in 2012 has so far logged 0 miles. But I hope to start in a few weeks' time when I'm able to leave the house for a bit here and there. In the meantime, the only "running" I'm doing is running around the house with baby boy, running to clean and tidy, running to do groceries, running to fit in conference calls and meetings, and crashing in the evening when I'm just too tired to do any more.
Then there is the unspoken resolution of actually getting some work done and writing papers. I missed the "big conference" deadline - today ... and had to write an apology to my co-author which left me feeling not a small bit embarrassed. I'm aiming for another conference towards the end of the month and started on it today. So far I have 3 sentences before the baby demanded my attention. But at least the conference call was for another paper (revision and resubmission), so I can feel good about that. Now, I just have to do the work.
At least I managed to write a blog. That's gotta count somewhat towards the writing challenge, right? And, I managed to sign up and add a widget for the 1000 mile exercise challenge, so that has to give me a half star at least, right? Right?
Jan 2, 2012
New year, new resolutions?
Busy times, the holiday, especially with a little one. We had fun, so did he. We're all much more relaxed for having had some time off. I even ignored my desire to submit a paper to a big conference (due Jan 10). Not sure if I will make it at this point, if not, oh well, c'est la vie. I'm on mat leave after all, and soon going back to work. So I'm taking advantage of these last 6 weeks!
What's on the plate for the new year? I'm not one to make resolutions, generally, but this time I've used the new year as a motivator since it's too easy to get absorbed completely by baby-boy's needs and ignoring my own. I'm listing my ideas here so that I don't forget them and so that I can be held accountable:
1. Find a nanny.
2. Join a writing group.
3. Renew my exercise programme.
Number one is in the works. It's our most urgent issue right now. Yes, we still have blinds to hang and pictures to sort out, and what not. But I can't very well go back to work without having someone to care for our little one. We began the process about 10 days ago and have met 2 nannies so far, with a third tomorrow. The first nanny is the most promising and who knows, we might be lucky enough to finish our search quickly. It feels kind of 'scary' that we might hire the first person we interviewed, but we did meet someone when baby-boy was around five months old, and both agreed that was someone we definitely did NOT want taking care of our kid. So we have some kind of benchmark to compare to. I checked out the first nanny's references and they were all solid. Next step is to get her to send through a police check, if we both agree that tomorrow's nanny isn't as good as this one.
I'm also in the process of working on number two. A friend of mine has set up a local writing group as part of a new organization she created. I'm hoping to revive my ancient fantasy novel that is gathering dust on a computer or USB drive somewhere. Meeting people every 2 weeks should stimulate me to do some writing in the evenings when baby-boy is asleep. I'm excited about it, since it's been a very long time since I allowed myself to work on this (I've prioritized writing for work). This time, I'm going to work during the nanny hours, and write for pleasure in the evening. It will have to be a more measured approach, of about an hour a day, but that might be just what the doctor ordered.
I have not yet started the exercise goal. Since I'm still breast feeding, I am continuing to eat like a horse. However, my habits are not that great, and alongside the exercise, I'm hoping that the nanny will be able to prepare salads/vegetables every day that I can add to my protein and a measured approach to carbs. My plans for exercise are two-fold. I am going to join the gym again at my university, and during nanny-hours, I will be able to dedicate 45 minutes to a daily gym visit. This is less time than I usually have spent in the gym in the past, but if I go every day instead of just 2 or 3 times a week, it should work out. At the same time, I'm considering joining a friend's and fellow bloggers 1000 mile challenge. This means you run 1000 miles during 2012 (or burn the equivalent number of calories in another form of exercise). It sounds intimidating but again, it may be just the kind of kick up the butt that I need. I could easily alternate my gym routines between weights (my preferred workout method) and running (my best weight loss and fitness approach).
So there it is 2012. And I've not even talked about work goals. Those, I'll just post on my pin board in the office!
What's on the plate for the new year? I'm not one to make resolutions, generally, but this time I've used the new year as a motivator since it's too easy to get absorbed completely by baby-boy's needs and ignoring my own. I'm listing my ideas here so that I don't forget them and so that I can be held accountable:
1. Find a nanny.
2. Join a writing group.
3. Renew my exercise programme.
Number one is in the works. It's our most urgent issue right now. Yes, we still have blinds to hang and pictures to sort out, and what not. But I can't very well go back to work without having someone to care for our little one. We began the process about 10 days ago and have met 2 nannies so far, with a third tomorrow. The first nanny is the most promising and who knows, we might be lucky enough to finish our search quickly. It feels kind of 'scary' that we might hire the first person we interviewed, but we did meet someone when baby-boy was around five months old, and both agreed that was someone we definitely did NOT want taking care of our kid. So we have some kind of benchmark to compare to. I checked out the first nanny's references and they were all solid. Next step is to get her to send through a police check, if we both agree that tomorrow's nanny isn't as good as this one.
I'm also in the process of working on number two. A friend of mine has set up a local writing group as part of a new organization she created. I'm hoping to revive my ancient fantasy novel that is gathering dust on a computer or USB drive somewhere. Meeting people every 2 weeks should stimulate me to do some writing in the evenings when baby-boy is asleep. I'm excited about it, since it's been a very long time since I allowed myself to work on this (I've prioritized writing for work). This time, I'm going to work during the nanny hours, and write for pleasure in the evening. It will have to be a more measured approach, of about an hour a day, but that might be just what the doctor ordered.
I have not yet started the exercise goal. Since I'm still breast feeding, I am continuing to eat like a horse. However, my habits are not that great, and alongside the exercise, I'm hoping that the nanny will be able to prepare salads/vegetables every day that I can add to my protein and a measured approach to carbs. My plans for exercise are two-fold. I am going to join the gym again at my university, and during nanny-hours, I will be able to dedicate 45 minutes to a daily gym visit. This is less time than I usually have spent in the gym in the past, but if I go every day instead of just 2 or 3 times a week, it should work out. At the same time, I'm considering joining a friend's and fellow bloggers 1000 mile challenge. This means you run 1000 miles during 2012 (or burn the equivalent number of calories in another form of exercise). It sounds intimidating but again, it may be just the kind of kick up the butt that I need. I could easily alternate my gym routines between weights (my preferred workout method) and running (my best weight loss and fitness approach).
So there it is 2012. And I've not even talked about work goals. Those, I'll just post on my pin board in the office!
Dec 22, 2011
Back from vacay, straight into Xmas
Back from vacay. Had a fab time, although it was hard to get a real break since we most of our day rotated around the little one. What made it a lot easier is that neither of us was distracted by work or life, so we ended up spending lots of time on the beach, or driving, or cooking, or eating out. Pretty much perfect. Even baby-boy understood the new routine fairly quickly and loved it out there. We found a perfect "baby beach" with very shallow water and minimal waves. Baby boy loved the water as much as he did the sand. He had lots of time to explore, and would sleep lovely long naps as a result.
We came back on two flights from hell. WestJet has had a new bright idea that all babies should be put in the same section of the plane. While I sort of understand there might be a logic in that, the issue is that when you have 8 babies/toddlers on the plane and 5 of them are crying, it turns into a nightmare journey for everyone. Baby-boy just wanted to go to sleep but was prevented by the other little ones who were displaying their displeasure in the only way they know how. Arrived home at around 2 a.m. Needless to say we were all shattered. Had a broken stroller that turned out after 11 days of carrying the baby around in our arms, not to be broken after all.
Baby boy slept extremely well two whole nights in a row. Probably just catching up on sleep, poor sod, because nights are now back to their usual pattern of disruption. I'm trying to wean him completely off night breast feeding so that he doesn't build a habit. It's going ok in the sense that he can get back to sleep without feeding, but of course, he still wakes up regularly. I'm hoping a few more months of growth will improve things.
Exciting news is that baby boy is now taking a few steps on his own, without any assistance. It's really quite cute. He's learned to hold his arms out in front of him for protection (even though most of he sways sideways). He can get started from standing still and launch in my direction. Sometimes it's quite a violent launch. It seems he's more eager just to be in my arms, than the process of getting there on his own. But he does seem pleased with himself too.
We've managed to set up a Xmas tree in spite of all the travel and even collected a fair amount of prezzies to go under it. It's really starting to feel like the holidays and we're all breathing a little more easily and taking things a bit more slowly. Happy holidays everyone!
We came back on two flights from hell. WestJet has had a new bright idea that all babies should be put in the same section of the plane. While I sort of understand there might be a logic in that, the issue is that when you have 8 babies/toddlers on the plane and 5 of them are crying, it turns into a nightmare journey for everyone. Baby-boy just wanted to go to sleep but was prevented by the other little ones who were displaying their displeasure in the only way they know how. Arrived home at around 2 a.m. Needless to say we were all shattered. Had a broken stroller that turned out after 11 days of carrying the baby around in our arms, not to be broken after all.
Baby boy slept extremely well two whole nights in a row. Probably just catching up on sleep, poor sod, because nights are now back to their usual pattern of disruption. I'm trying to wean him completely off night breast feeding so that he doesn't build a habit. It's going ok in the sense that he can get back to sleep without feeding, but of course, he still wakes up regularly. I'm hoping a few more months of growth will improve things.
Exciting news is that baby boy is now taking a few steps on his own, without any assistance. It's really quite cute. He's learned to hold his arms out in front of him for protection (even though most of he sways sideways). He can get started from standing still and launch in my direction. Sometimes it's quite a violent launch. It seems he's more eager just to be in my arms, than the process of getting there on his own. But he does seem pleased with himself too.
We've managed to set up a Xmas tree in spite of all the travel and even collected a fair amount of prezzies to go under it. It's really starting to feel like the holidays and we're all breathing a little more easily and taking things a bit more slowly. Happy holidays everyone!
Dec 2, 2011
First night out in ... months?
I went out tonight. The first time in months. The second time in 9 months, to be more precise. Hubby and I did go out when baby-boy was a little younger, but now that he has got a serious case of separation anxiety, both of us going out in the evening is a major no-no. And since hubby has to travel often for work, I am usually at home.
Tonight, I was invited along to dinner being hosted for a guest speaker. It was great to actually do my hair, put on some makeup and a some decent clothes without having to worry about sweet potato or some other substance ending up on them. I even wore my wool coat, although it was nowhere near warm enough for the frigid temperatures out there.
I chose a good night though. The food at the restaurant was exquisite. Simply no other word for it. And that from someone who is not really a foody. But since most Montrealers are, restaurants here have a lot to live up to.
Things are calming down and winding down. The move is mostly done. Even the majority of pictures are hung. Now it's just the blinds, and hubby managed to rent a major drill so we can get through the concrete that seems to be behind the plasterboard in random places. It'll look really nice once they're up.
My revision for the paper is also done. I wanted to get it out of the way before we go on holiday next week (the Caribbean, yay!!!). Of course, I now have a revision for another paper, but my co-author is the lead and she's going to take the first crack at it, relieving me of any immediate responsibilities. In the calm and quiet, I even managed to buy a Xmas flower and semi-wreath to put on our door. How domestic of me.
Baby-boy finally seems a bit happier in the house and his room. He even napped a whole 2.5 hours today. Of course, he still woke up after 30 minutes as he usually does, but I put him in bed with me and it worked a charm. Not sure if I'm building a bad habit, but hey, whatever works. He's still not sleeping through the night. Not even close. But at least he manages the occasional 3-4 hour stretch, with shorter stretches in between. While far from ideal, it's more manageable than a 3 hour screaming session in the middle of the night, and he'll actually happily lay in his crib even if he's merely dozing.
I'm on a bit of a high. Maybe from going out and seeing some people. I took advantage of it in any case: I had both an appetizer and desert, and even 2 glasses of wine and a decaf. Let's hope my digestive system can handle it all! (**post-edit: turns out, it can't ... it seems that going out to dinner after a bout of gastro this week wasn't the best idea ever.)
I have some (perhaps unrealistic) notions of doing something big soon. Maybe a writing challenge, mimicking my friend's 50,000 words that she wrote in November (her second novel). I'm aiming for February when I'm supposed to be back at work. To do that, my first priority upon returning from holiday will be to find a suitable nanny.
Tonight, I was invited along to dinner being hosted for a guest speaker. It was great to actually do my hair, put on some makeup and a some decent clothes without having to worry about sweet potato or some other substance ending up on them. I even wore my wool coat, although it was nowhere near warm enough for the frigid temperatures out there.
I chose a good night though. The food at the restaurant was exquisite. Simply no other word for it. And that from someone who is not really a foody. But since most Montrealers are, restaurants here have a lot to live up to.
Things are calming down and winding down. The move is mostly done. Even the majority of pictures are hung. Now it's just the blinds, and hubby managed to rent a major drill so we can get through the concrete that seems to be behind the plasterboard in random places. It'll look really nice once they're up.
My revision for the paper is also done. I wanted to get it out of the way before we go on holiday next week (the Caribbean, yay!!!). Of course, I now have a revision for another paper, but my co-author is the lead and she's going to take the first crack at it, relieving me of any immediate responsibilities. In the calm and quiet, I even managed to buy a Xmas flower and semi-wreath to put on our door. How domestic of me.
Baby-boy finally seems a bit happier in the house and his room. He even napped a whole 2.5 hours today. Of course, he still woke up after 30 minutes as he usually does, but I put him in bed with me and it worked a charm. Not sure if I'm building a bad habit, but hey, whatever works. He's still not sleeping through the night. Not even close. But at least he manages the occasional 3-4 hour stretch, with shorter stretches in between. While far from ideal, it's more manageable than a 3 hour screaming session in the middle of the night, and he'll actually happily lay in his crib even if he's merely dozing.
I'm on a bit of a high. Maybe from going out and seeing some people. I took advantage of it in any case: I had both an appetizer and desert, and even 2 glasses of wine and a decaf. Let's hope my digestive system can handle it all! (**post-edit: turns out, it can't ... it seems that going out to dinner after a bout of gastro this week wasn't the best idea ever.)
I have some (perhaps unrealistic) notions of doing something big soon. Maybe a writing challenge, mimicking my friend's 50,000 words that she wrote in November (her second novel). I'm aiming for February when I'm supposed to be back at work. To do that, my first priority upon returning from holiday will be to find a suitable nanny.
Nov 20, 2011
Another move, but this time with a baby
I'm really not a stranger to moving. I know that I've done it more than 20 times in my life ... that's an average of every 2 years or so. Some have been little, like the university student moving from one hall of residence to another. Some have been massive, like the move from the U.K. to Singapore or from Switzerland to South Korea.
In every case, I've always made it a point to get my new home in order as quickly as possible. I think this is partly due to my "Monica (from friends)" Personality to have a neat and tidy space, and partly due to the lack of any place I can truly call "home", and so "home" is where I lay my hat. That means whenever I have a new home, I make it as nice, comfortable and homie as quickly as possible. Usually, that means a maximum of two days from the moment the movers have dumped all my boxes in the space, to the last picture hanging on the walls. I know: I'm an over-achiever.
This time, it has been a new experience. Moving with a recently mobile baby is no joke. I started packing boxes about 2 weeks before the date. I normally would have some men come into the house and pack the boxes for me. But this time, we were paying for our own move. I figured we could save about a thousand dollars by simply packing our own stuff. Plus, it meant that I could really sort through everything, be selective, and throw a bunch of stuff out. I.e. if we never use it, don't pack it but pass it on.
We were mostly successful in the passing it on. I told my hubby that if we don't really love it, it goes. So I made a bunch of people in the facebook mommy group I'm part of very happy with free or cheap things. Even the dog lost her cage, which was substituted with a nice pillow (we figure that at nearly 8, she's old enough to hang out in the house without destroying everything).
Of course, packing while watching a baby isn't easy. I leaned on lots of friends to help watch him while I packed. They were great, although baby-boy is getting stuck on separation anxiety, and for a while it was difficult for me to even step out of his sight for a second. But I found that one of my girlfriends, who's a mom to two and an auntie/nanny to dozens more, was able to keep baby-boy happy and entertained. So I got some stuff done.
Even after the move, it really has only taken us three days to get somewhat settled. There remain only two small boxes to be unpacked, labelled "junk to sort". These are the tricky things we hold on to like a deck of Tarot cards. Never use them, but reminds me of my teenage years. Hard to let go. We also still have some furniture and baby things earmarked to pass on but the new owners either couldn't take it now, or the products haven't found new owners yet. I can always give them to the Salvation Army, but for now, they're safely in my storage area.
The baby room, as of today, is entirely finished, and I think baby-boy really appreciated it. We even bought him a horrible PVC roll-down blind for this week while we wait on our nice wood blinds to arrive. Just to make it dark enough in his room that he knows it's night and ought to be sleeping. The rest of the house is mostly done. We bought a new bookcase from Ikea (our old one lasted some 10+ years! Not bad for 150 bucks). All that remains is a towel rail for our bathroom, and the pictures to be hung on the walls.
The baby-boy is doing well today, after about two weeks of a horrendous cough and sniffles. I think the move threw him off on top of it all, and he spent the first two nights in our new home screaming at the top of his lungs at 1 a.m. The first night it took us two hours to settle him down. Yesterday, I managed in about 15 minutes, although it did take me getting up several times for the next hour. Tonight, he refused to go to bed by himself (usually not a problem). I'm hoping that it gets better soon, since I'm not a fan of sleep training. Mostly, I am trying to be there for him as much as possible now that the bulk of the move is done. The last few boxes can wait. It's more important that baby-boy is happy.
For the rest: I'm at least two weeks behind on my paper - my co-author even asked me if I was doing ok. I hope to get it done next week. Hubby promised me some down time.
In every case, I've always made it a point to get my new home in order as quickly as possible. I think this is partly due to my "Monica (from friends)" Personality to have a neat and tidy space, and partly due to the lack of any place I can truly call "home", and so "home" is where I lay my hat. That means whenever I have a new home, I make it as nice, comfortable and homie as quickly as possible. Usually, that means a maximum of two days from the moment the movers have dumped all my boxes in the space, to the last picture hanging on the walls. I know: I'm an over-achiever.
This time, it has been a new experience. Moving with a recently mobile baby is no joke. I started packing boxes about 2 weeks before the date. I normally would have some men come into the house and pack the boxes for me. But this time, we were paying for our own move. I figured we could save about a thousand dollars by simply packing our own stuff. Plus, it meant that I could really sort through everything, be selective, and throw a bunch of stuff out. I.e. if we never use it, don't pack it but pass it on.
We were mostly successful in the passing it on. I told my hubby that if we don't really love it, it goes. So I made a bunch of people in the facebook mommy group I'm part of very happy with free or cheap things. Even the dog lost her cage, which was substituted with a nice pillow (we figure that at nearly 8, she's old enough to hang out in the house without destroying everything).
Of course, packing while watching a baby isn't easy. I leaned on lots of friends to help watch him while I packed. They were great, although baby-boy is getting stuck on separation anxiety, and for a while it was difficult for me to even step out of his sight for a second. But I found that one of my girlfriends, who's a mom to two and an auntie/nanny to dozens more, was able to keep baby-boy happy and entertained. So I got some stuff done.
Even after the move, it really has only taken us three days to get somewhat settled. There remain only two small boxes to be unpacked, labelled "junk to sort". These are the tricky things we hold on to like a deck of Tarot cards. Never use them, but reminds me of my teenage years. Hard to let go. We also still have some furniture and baby things earmarked to pass on but the new owners either couldn't take it now, or the products haven't found new owners yet. I can always give them to the Salvation Army, but for now, they're safely in my storage area.
The baby room, as of today, is entirely finished, and I think baby-boy really appreciated it. We even bought him a horrible PVC roll-down blind for this week while we wait on our nice wood blinds to arrive. Just to make it dark enough in his room that he knows it's night and ought to be sleeping. The rest of the house is mostly done. We bought a new bookcase from Ikea (our old one lasted some 10+ years! Not bad for 150 bucks). All that remains is a towel rail for our bathroom, and the pictures to be hung on the walls.
The baby-boy is doing well today, after about two weeks of a horrendous cough and sniffles. I think the move threw him off on top of it all, and he spent the first two nights in our new home screaming at the top of his lungs at 1 a.m. The first night it took us two hours to settle him down. Yesterday, I managed in about 15 minutes, although it did take me getting up several times for the next hour. Tonight, he refused to go to bed by himself (usually not a problem). I'm hoping that it gets better soon, since I'm not a fan of sleep training. Mostly, I am trying to be there for him as much as possible now that the bulk of the move is done. The last few boxes can wait. It's more important that baby-boy is happy.
For the rest: I'm at least two weeks behind on my paper - my co-author even asked me if I was doing ok. I hope to get it done next week. Hubby promised me some down time.
Nov 11, 2011
Guilty, as charged
OK, guilty. I haven't even looked at my blog since the last post. And yes, it's almost 2 months. What happened? Just a baby. And travel. And a house purchase. And another revise-and-resubmit for a journal. That's what.
Important stuff first. Baby-boy is doing fantastic. Apart from a nasty cough at the moment. And his persistence in waking up all through the night. But during the day, he's an absolute angel. He's happy, funny, engaged, exploring, looking for me ... just a cutie. It seems he's taking life by the horns and taming it. It took him forever to learn how to sit up without falling over. Even at 7.5 months, when I was visiting family in Europe, he could still reliably fall backwards and bonk his head. The only way to cope was to surround him by cushions and sit him on 2 layers of oma's quilts. But during that week, he also started to show that he could pull up. And in fact he used his uncle to do so. He fell over shortly after, but it must have given him a taste for things. In the next week, he learned to crawl, and then pull himself up on furniture, and now cruise along it. He was always able to walk with us holding him (never lost his walk reflex since we stimulated it and he always showed an interest to be standing up rather than sitting). But now he can run holding on to our hands, and walk fairly well by himself along the boxes that occupy our house. He's even transition from one piece of furniture to another. Won't be long, methinks, before he walks.
Of course, this has been great to observe, but also a bit stressful. Until this week, there was every chance that he would connect with a wall, a chair or the floor at any moment. Thankfully, he seems to have gotten a better sense of balance and I can sort of leave him to explore from about 4 feet away, rather than having to hover constantly like a traffic helicopter. Unfortunately, he shows no fear. He launches himself from pillar to post, without thought of what might happen if he misses. Mostly I'm there to catch him, but I often catch him deliberately late, so that he will hopefully get a sense of wrongness about random body flinging.
But perhaps the fearlessness is fortunate for him. He's progressing fast. Not at all bad for an 8.5 month old. I'm a proud mommy. Of course, ask him to wave bye-bye and he stares at me as if I've gone mad.
Baby-boy's personality seems particular. He has a small amount of separation anxiety. But it seems not with everyone. Or, perhaps, he got over it super quickly. It might have been all the travel that temporarily threw him off. We also joined a baby gym (I know, I know, Western mother). He loves the free-range stuff, but he is really not into all the singing and clapping and rattle shaking. He complains and pushes against me as if to say that the music is too loud and can we go do something else now. Maybe he takes after his mom's dislike of large crowds and loud spaces, and his dad's anti-group-ness in general.
The nights. Yes, well. By now, I hate it when people ask me if he's "sleeping through the night yet?". There seems to be some myth that babies sleep 12 hours at night, like little angels, and then wake up sunny and bright. Perfect. Of course, no human being is perfect, and aiming for perfection is pointless. In scientific studies (yes, I read them, LOTS of them), "sleeping through the night" is defined as 5 solid hours. Baby-boy does this. From 7pm to midnight. The part of the night when I'm usually awake. After that, it's a progressively shorter period of wakings. Or, sometimes just a random pattern: the night starts with a 4 hour stretch, followed by 3, then by 4 (a good night!); or perhaps 3 hours, followed by 1, then 2, then 1, then 1.5, etc (a bad night).
Mostly, he wakes only for a few moments. The moment I provide comfort in the form of his pacifier, he's instantly asleep. Even right now, when I suspect he's going through a 9-month sleep regression period. I find him crying and rocking on all fours, while still seemingly asleep. I pop in a suce and wham, he face plants into the mattress and goes back to sleep.
Unlike "sleep problem" babies (as defined in all those stupid books I've read), baby-boy has absolutely no trouble falling asleep. And even the "staying asleep" isn't really an issue, since it takes less than 5 seconds usually to get him to go back. It's just that I've got to get up for those 5 seconds to night-time-parent him.
I'm fervently against any kind of sleep training that requires him to cry-it-out. From the beginning I was uncomfortable with this notion. We once tried to wean him off his pacifier that way. I lasted 20 minutes, during which time, his cries went from mild complaints to an absolute shit-fit. To the point where I thought he was going to do his brain some damage, and I was going to leave him with permanent emotional scars. That was the last time I considered any kind of crying-it-out. When he's old enough to understand will be soon enough to wean him off a pacifier (that, by the way, he only uses to help him get to sleep and then spits out).
So while I was on vacation in Europe, I looked for books that didn't involve crying-it-out. I found two. A well-known one by Dr. Sears (Nighttime Parenting), and one by a less well known Australian woman named Pinky McKay (Sleeping Like a Baby). Both talk about how unrealistic it is to expect babies to sleep 12 hour stretches. Especially breast-fed babies who digest their meals at least twice as fast as bottle fed babies. Both also talk about how the "controlled crying" method is really not good for babies: it breaks an important bond of trust and comfort, causing many long-term problems later on, in the favor for a short term fix for the parent - not the baby necessarily ... it's normal for babies to wake every 90 minutes as a natural part of the sleep cycle.
Long story short. Their advice is basically to manage your nights and "parent" your way through them as you would your days. So I've mentally and emotionally accepted that this will be the way things are for a while. Of course, I try different things to help him learn to sleep a little longer, so long as it doesn't stress him out. I now use a rain sound (thanks to a gift from a friend), and this seems to help him go to sleep very quickly, and is also helping him stay asleep longer for naps. As an added bonus, the near-white-noise (via the baby monitor) is also helpful me to go to sleep!
So here I am. Somewhat sleep deprived and exhausted, but coping by taking naps when the baby naps. Having gotten zero work done in weeks, because of a super-active baby who has learned to sit, crawl, stand up and cruise all within a 3 week time span. And having bought a house, that we need to move into next week. That means lots of packing (I started 10 days ago and still have a fair way to go). And lots of selling and clearing out of stuff. And lots of paperwork. A perfect time for the immigration people to contact us and let us know it's time to do our medical checks and fill in more paperwork. And for journal deadline to revise one of my papers. And for a new Masters student to be brought under my wing. Etc.
When it rains, it pours. Or should I say when it snows, it storms. So please forgive my lack of blogging. I'll try to be a bit more regular.
Important stuff first. Baby-boy is doing fantastic. Apart from a nasty cough at the moment. And his persistence in waking up all through the night. But during the day, he's an absolute angel. He's happy, funny, engaged, exploring, looking for me ... just a cutie. It seems he's taking life by the horns and taming it. It took him forever to learn how to sit up without falling over. Even at 7.5 months, when I was visiting family in Europe, he could still reliably fall backwards and bonk his head. The only way to cope was to surround him by cushions and sit him on 2 layers of oma's quilts. But during that week, he also started to show that he could pull up. And in fact he used his uncle to do so. He fell over shortly after, but it must have given him a taste for things. In the next week, he learned to crawl, and then pull himself up on furniture, and now cruise along it. He was always able to walk with us holding him (never lost his walk reflex since we stimulated it and he always showed an interest to be standing up rather than sitting). But now he can run holding on to our hands, and walk fairly well by himself along the boxes that occupy our house. He's even transition from one piece of furniture to another. Won't be long, methinks, before he walks.
Of course, this has been great to observe, but also a bit stressful. Until this week, there was every chance that he would connect with a wall, a chair or the floor at any moment. Thankfully, he seems to have gotten a better sense of balance and I can sort of leave him to explore from about 4 feet away, rather than having to hover constantly like a traffic helicopter. Unfortunately, he shows no fear. He launches himself from pillar to post, without thought of what might happen if he misses. Mostly I'm there to catch him, but I often catch him deliberately late, so that he will hopefully get a sense of wrongness about random body flinging.
But perhaps the fearlessness is fortunate for him. He's progressing fast. Not at all bad for an 8.5 month old. I'm a proud mommy. Of course, ask him to wave bye-bye and he stares at me as if I've gone mad.
Baby-boy's personality seems particular. He has a small amount of separation anxiety. But it seems not with everyone. Or, perhaps, he got over it super quickly. It might have been all the travel that temporarily threw him off. We also joined a baby gym (I know, I know, Western mother). He loves the free-range stuff, but he is really not into all the singing and clapping and rattle shaking. He complains and pushes against me as if to say that the music is too loud and can we go do something else now. Maybe he takes after his mom's dislike of large crowds and loud spaces, and his dad's anti-group-ness in general.
The nights. Yes, well. By now, I hate it when people ask me if he's "sleeping through the night yet?". There seems to be some myth that babies sleep 12 hours at night, like little angels, and then wake up sunny and bright. Perfect. Of course, no human being is perfect, and aiming for perfection is pointless. In scientific studies (yes, I read them, LOTS of them), "sleeping through the night" is defined as 5 solid hours. Baby-boy does this. From 7pm to midnight. The part of the night when I'm usually awake. After that, it's a progressively shorter period of wakings. Or, sometimes just a random pattern: the night starts with a 4 hour stretch, followed by 3, then by 4 (a good night!); or perhaps 3 hours, followed by 1, then 2, then 1, then 1.5, etc (a bad night).
Mostly, he wakes only for a few moments. The moment I provide comfort in the form of his pacifier, he's instantly asleep. Even right now, when I suspect he's going through a 9-month sleep regression period. I find him crying and rocking on all fours, while still seemingly asleep. I pop in a suce and wham, he face plants into the mattress and goes back to sleep.
Unlike "sleep problem" babies (as defined in all those stupid books I've read), baby-boy has absolutely no trouble falling asleep. And even the "staying asleep" isn't really an issue, since it takes less than 5 seconds usually to get him to go back. It's just that I've got to get up for those 5 seconds to night-time-parent him.
I'm fervently against any kind of sleep training that requires him to cry-it-out. From the beginning I was uncomfortable with this notion. We once tried to wean him off his pacifier that way. I lasted 20 minutes, during which time, his cries went from mild complaints to an absolute shit-fit. To the point where I thought he was going to do his brain some damage, and I was going to leave him with permanent emotional scars. That was the last time I considered any kind of crying-it-out. When he's old enough to understand will be soon enough to wean him off a pacifier (that, by the way, he only uses to help him get to sleep and then spits out).
So while I was on vacation in Europe, I looked for books that didn't involve crying-it-out. I found two. A well-known one by Dr. Sears (Nighttime Parenting), and one by a less well known Australian woman named Pinky McKay (Sleeping Like a Baby). Both talk about how unrealistic it is to expect babies to sleep 12 hour stretches. Especially breast-fed babies who digest their meals at least twice as fast as bottle fed babies. Both also talk about how the "controlled crying" method is really not good for babies: it breaks an important bond of trust and comfort, causing many long-term problems later on, in the favor for a short term fix for the parent - not the baby necessarily ... it's normal for babies to wake every 90 minutes as a natural part of the sleep cycle.
Long story short. Their advice is basically to manage your nights and "parent" your way through them as you would your days. So I've mentally and emotionally accepted that this will be the way things are for a while. Of course, I try different things to help him learn to sleep a little longer, so long as it doesn't stress him out. I now use a rain sound (thanks to a gift from a friend), and this seems to help him go to sleep very quickly, and is also helping him stay asleep longer for naps. As an added bonus, the near-white-noise (via the baby monitor) is also helpful me to go to sleep!
So here I am. Somewhat sleep deprived and exhausted, but coping by taking naps when the baby naps. Having gotten zero work done in weeks, because of a super-active baby who has learned to sit, crawl, stand up and cruise all within a 3 week time span. And having bought a house, that we need to move into next week. That means lots of packing (I started 10 days ago and still have a fair way to go). And lots of selling and clearing out of stuff. And lots of paperwork. A perfect time for the immigration people to contact us and let us know it's time to do our medical checks and fill in more paperwork. And for journal deadline to revise one of my papers. And for a new Masters student to be brought under my wing. Etc.
When it rains, it pours. Or should I say when it snows, it storms. So please forgive my lack of blogging. I'll try to be a bit more regular.
Sep 18, 2011
Swim class
I have romantic notions about swimming. I love to swim. Always have. Some have called me half a fish. When my parents took us on holiday somewhere warm, it was difficult to get me out of the pool: my mom had to bribe my brother and I with ice cream. Nothing else would stop us from playing around in the water.
As a teen, swimming became half play and half exercise. Out of boredom, I'd swim an easy kilometer in the pool once my homework was done after school. Mom petitioned that the private club in Seoul keep the pool open for the month of September, when it was still nice out, just a bit more chilly than the hot summer months. I was in it daily.
So swimming was always going to be in the Plan for baby-boy. We braved our first attempt when he was just six weeks. Looking back at the photos, I wonder if he had any idea what was happening to him. He was half asleep when we walked in the pool area and naively handed him to some crazy Russian lady who performed baby yoga on him. This totally freaked me out and I begged her to be extra gentle with the little boy I just spent 9 months growing and six weeks getting to know. The swimming part itself was fine, but consisted of several submergings. In itself, not such a bad thing, but as a previously qualified swim instructor, more than 3 per session is a no-no and this Russian was rather liberal with them. Once baby-boy's arms turned blue, I insisted in taking him out of the pool and into the hot tub. He took it all in his stride, but I was so freaked by the experience, that I left the swimming card off the table. Besides, summer was nearly here and we'd be outside a lot.
With the (near) arrival of fall, I decided that swim class deserved another go. But a different class at a different place. A friend told me she took her son to this particular one, and I signed us up. The water is warm enough for babies, and the pool is large. The place seemed organized about their classes, listing lots of them on their website. All positive signs.
I don't know why I had romantic notions about this being a quiet and intimate experience with me and my son. I should have realized that by the sheer number of swim classes listed, this was going to be a noisy place. And busy. It was our first morning today and off we went for our 9.30 am class. We arrived a bit early to ensure everything was in place, and baby boy was changed and ready. We were told to sit on the bleachers on the side while other classes were finishing. I think there were at least eight classes in progress. About five for little tiny kids in the toddler pool, and another three or four in the big pool for larger kids. Then there were the three free swim lanes with people plodding along.
All in all, this added up to quite a bit of hubbub and baby-boy was wide awake during what is normally his nap time, sucking it all in. We had a lot of fun when it was our turn. No tears, not even when he was on his back (we practice that in the bath). And even a delightful loud clatter when we got to the up-and-down out-and-in of the water bit.
So I think he's gonna like it. But, man oh man, I've never seen so many people in a "family" changing room. Next time, it's daddy's turn to take him and I think they might be better off in the men's changing room.
As a teen, swimming became half play and half exercise. Out of boredom, I'd swim an easy kilometer in the pool once my homework was done after school. Mom petitioned that the private club in Seoul keep the pool open for the month of September, when it was still nice out, just a bit more chilly than the hot summer months. I was in it daily.
So swimming was always going to be in the Plan for baby-boy. We braved our first attempt when he was just six weeks. Looking back at the photos, I wonder if he had any idea what was happening to him. He was half asleep when we walked in the pool area and naively handed him to some crazy Russian lady who performed baby yoga on him. This totally freaked me out and I begged her to be extra gentle with the little boy I just spent 9 months growing and six weeks getting to know. The swimming part itself was fine, but consisted of several submergings. In itself, not such a bad thing, but as a previously qualified swim instructor, more than 3 per session is a no-no and this Russian was rather liberal with them. Once baby-boy's arms turned blue, I insisted in taking him out of the pool and into the hot tub. He took it all in his stride, but I was so freaked by the experience, that I left the swimming card off the table. Besides, summer was nearly here and we'd be outside a lot.
With the (near) arrival of fall, I decided that swim class deserved another go. But a different class at a different place. A friend told me she took her son to this particular one, and I signed us up. The water is warm enough for babies, and the pool is large. The place seemed organized about their classes, listing lots of them on their website. All positive signs.
I don't know why I had romantic notions about this being a quiet and intimate experience with me and my son. I should have realized that by the sheer number of swim classes listed, this was going to be a noisy place. And busy. It was our first morning today and off we went for our 9.30 am class. We arrived a bit early to ensure everything was in place, and baby boy was changed and ready. We were told to sit on the bleachers on the side while other classes were finishing. I think there were at least eight classes in progress. About five for little tiny kids in the toddler pool, and another three or four in the big pool for larger kids. Then there were the three free swim lanes with people plodding along.
All in all, this added up to quite a bit of hubbub and baby-boy was wide awake during what is normally his nap time, sucking it all in. We had a lot of fun when it was our turn. No tears, not even when he was on his back (we practice that in the bath). And even a delightful loud clatter when we got to the up-and-down out-and-in of the water bit.
So I think he's gonna like it. But, man oh man, I've never seen so many people in a "family" changing room. Next time, it's daddy's turn to take him and I think they might be better off in the men's changing room.
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